Large and in Charge

Where exactly does someone's self-confidence come from? I realize that while socially I could be considered an outgoing person, it's hard for me to speak up in meetings at work for fear of sticking out or saying the wrong thing. I also have some trouble diving confidently into certain projects or ideas I have for fear of judgment, lack of tenacity or overall wariness. I wish my confidence levels all matched throughout the different areas of my life, but I'm not sure how to achieve this balance. Help! —Shy Extrovert

What We're Sippin': Large latte with your favorite flavored syrup. Someone reputable probably once said that things that are larger in size tend to give you confidence. Think large purse, large glasses, large truck, (though that one is questionable.) Large and in charge. So today, your coffee should match.

Where We're Sippin': On-the-go, strutting to your anthem. You know the one. Turn the volume up, throw a hand on a hip and know that YOU ARE IT.

Ginger Ále

Mother Teresa will tell you that personal confidence comes from one’s upbringing, isn’t that right?

Mother Teresa

*raises glass* I don’t think this is incorrect...

Ginger Ále

While I admire your humility Mother, I think this is a little incomplete. I would say that self-confidence comes from self-acceptance and self-love. Self-acceptance doesn’t mean you think you’re the shit. It just means you accept yourself for who you are, flaws and strengths included, so much so that it allows you to adapt and shift as life moves forward. Self-love means that you won’t give up on yourself. That no matter how deep or low that fuck-up was or is, you know you can forgive yourself, learn and move forward. Daring to do this is a great way to find an inner confidence you didn't know you had.

Mother Teresa

I agree, and while I’d love to take the credit for your self-confidence, you are right. It is through this self-acceptance and this self-love that you get to trust yourself, which is important in a professional setting. Trust yourself enough to share your ideas or questions confidently with your coworkers because that is the only way you will learn of its potential success. If you receive any criticism, be sure to understand that nine times out of 10, it is your work or your idea that is being judged, not you as a person. Thomas Edison isn’t remembered as a failure because of the 99 ways he messed up the lightbulb. He’s revered for the one way he discovered to make it work.

Ginger Ále

I had a teacher in high school who, while passing out exams to each student in the class, would remind us verbally that “this exam or how poorly you may perform on this exam is not a reflection of who you are as a person.” Of course, as a B (plus!)-average student I would laugh nervously, but I think applies perfectly here.

Mother Teresa

Exactly. I am a big advocate of learning from mistakes; of getting right back on the saddle after falling off the horse— should your contribution in a meeting be judged or stick out or be considered wrong, it is not a reflection on you, personally. It’s simply a part of everyday work, and difference of opinion. You will never feel 100% comfortable at work, because hopefully, you will be on a consistent trajectory of growth. You’re either getting more responsibility, or the economy fluctuates, or a national pandemic hits. There will always be some sort of pressure present, but dealing with this subtle pressure is the only way to move forward. Failing is a part of the process that leads to success, not away from it.